Total Pageviews

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Life

The days seem to be getting harder and harder for me to walk and be the person I used to be.  It's not just the joints, my knees, my ankles and elbows but my drive to win seems to be failing me.   The desire to win at all costs is fading from my bones.   It has been the fire that made up for all my short comings in life.  Not the smartest but the darn hardest working soul was my claim to fame.   Money never really mattered to me, make it spend it and live in the moment was my creed.  Now as I reach the age of old personhood I find myself filled with regret.  It's not a feeling I find to pleasing to me, nor does it make me a fun person to be around.   The rants of my youth have given way to a loathing of all things TJ.  All things that I used to enjoy now bring no joy.  It's scary to feel a part of you leave, like watching a movie when you already know the ending.  Happiness was never truly in my grasp nor do I believe it ever will be in my hands, destiny it would seem is where I find myself today.    Just the way I always knew it end.  

It's not for a lack of trying.  Some people have the power to over come their predetermined plans.  The world would not have all it has with out people who have done it.  I too had dreams of breaking out of my predetermined destiny.  I of course chose the hardest path not because of faith but more so because of a deep seeded death wish.  

I guess there is nothing that can kill me, not a single thing on this earth.   I believe that is gods plan for me to suffer.  Suffer I will because there is no other way forward.   The day will come when my body final gives out and the engine that powers me fails.  

My work has always been a true source of happiness to me but at this time I'm finding it harder every day to reach the level of joy I used to have.  I don't know if it's the miami area or just me.  I thank the lord for my doggie Syra, my only source of joy right now.  No matter how bad my day is she always is there for me, licking me, cuddling with me or jumping on me, thus letting me know she loves her daddy.


Yet another with out another to share life with.   Another day alone

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Life of the Duke

I walk into a Beach bar down the road, I'm looking for the remnants of my old life. The propose of my being, the way I used to be, the what to my why. The sun lights the bay water just so, it reflects on the customers faces, showing the effects of alcohol abuse. Make up can try but will never be able to cover those scars. 
California Crome won the 2nd leg of the triple crown and the guy next me 
is bragging about $$$'s he won
The big boats sit on the water waiting for their captains, waiting for that trip out to sea. A trip that will bring their glory back, thoughts of being brand new 
People watching at a bar is the greatest. These folks have no idea they are playing a part in great chess game. They are all just pawns on a great big board waiting to be moved. 
The bartender asks what I want to drink? I tell him "a Coors Lt and a Gin on the rocks" he knows I won't be here too long...I'm not into the wine & cheese crowd. These folks of S Tampa think they are the best of the best but the rest of us know you have to live on Bayshore or Davis Island to have any real pull with the city Govt. It was only 10yrs ago a person could buy a home a block off of Bayshore Blvd for a song. Then as the american dream became more of TV commercial not the idea it once was, those cheap "middle class" home started getting knocked down. Replaced with McMansions, indoor pools, man caves and designer dog houses. For the smuck who stays put in his 2/1 single floor, 1950's style home he suddenly feels like he woke up in a trailer park. His "Brady Bunch" neighborhood has gone Hollywood faster than it took to drop Star Trek off TV. The low rent area off Gandy has changed....the city has changed.
Obama takes the blame 
It's funny to listen to some white guys talk. "I'm not in a position to buy that due to the black guy in the White House" a middle aged white guy says while sipping his domestic beer. Obama came in and the economy tanked, it's all his fault that I can't buy that new BMW. Really your lack of funds is fully due to the President? Interesting I find it odd that some people blame Obama for everything....while forgetting the fact that Bush 2 was the real reason we tanked. Expanded Govt like no other, even LBJ & FDR blushed at Bush 2's massive cash outlays. It was Bush 2 who sent checks out to every tax paying american asking us to spend it on TV's! Hell Bill Clinton didn't even go that route, he preferred to get his cash from the guilty. Clinton turned Presidential Pardons into a game of $64,000.00 pyramid. 
As of today May 28th, 2014 we still haven't found MH370....how the fuck do you lose a plane?
Walking into the Tampa International Airport is comparable to a trip to that bar in Star Wars. 
South Fla....the 3rd in the good ol' USA. Speed limit is 55, it's a good bet that half the folks in the right lane will be driving 35MHP, the folks in the Center Lane will be going 60MHP and the the left is a place where you go when your lost, which a makes making a right hand turn a very dangerous life choice. Know English, no? Who cares no one really speaks the good kings English it's more like a Adam Sandler Spanglish version of English and Spanish with Latin and Hebrew mixed in. 
It's funny to walk into a dive bar and everyone looks at you, you really think for a moment that everyone is gonna say "Hi Norm" or "who the hell are you??" When u sit at the bar the other drunks look at you with a deep thought of, is this guy one of us or some white collar fuck here to hide his sins. The truth of the matter is when I go to these dive bars, it's both. I like to watch the crazy, feel the madness and touch the side of life that is oh so close but yet so far away. These two women, the only two, if you can call them women, in the bar are dancing with each other clearly to draw attention to themselves. They ever did the "Suedo lezbo kiss" thing, which had every guy there panting like a herd of wild dogs. Jesus guys, you're falling for the oldest trick in the ugly girl book. Stop it, stop it now before it's too late! Dear god have some self respect! If you do what I believe you're going to do you will hate yourself in the morning, pull out, eject, eject......
Red Heads are more fun
The walk through the common areas of a apartment complex are sometimes a real source of enjoyment for me....for instance I just walked into a convo between a young black woman and three Haitian men. She I guess had told them that she was not into Haitian men and they took offense to that comment. Then these fine boys dropped a few N-Bombs and they were true N-Bombs....ah, guys maybe if it was the fact that 3 men are in a circle around a young woman, she just might want to have a convo with you. You don't circle a girl like a bunch of Hyenas eyeing their prey. One of the guys seems like he has his shit together, you know better, or maybe it's a cultural thing, me being a white male born in the 1960's....who knows. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Ah the joy of just saying fuck it! Sometimes people just don't get it, you can't play both sides of a fence without hurting somebody. Most try to put up a good front, say they care or they understand but in the end they end up hurting the other party. 
The road to the end
As I sit awake after a long day of power drinking, treating my liver like a door mat, rubbing my dirty shoes on it, filling it with dirt. My mind races in the power of thought. The what could have been and what will never be. Sometimes the choices we make, the choices we make believing that the other party will keep up their end of the deal. Oh the pain those choices leave you with

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Working title- thoughts from a bar stool

I walk into a Beach bar down the road, I'm looking for the remnants of my old life. The propose of my being, the way I used to be, the what to my why. The sun lights the bay water just so, it reflects on the customers faces, showing the effects of alcohol abuse. Make up can try but will never be able to cover those scars. 
California Crome won the 2nd leg of the triple crown and the guy next me 
is bragging about $$$'s he won
The big boats sit on the water waiting for their captains, waiting for that trip out to sea. A trip that will bring their glory back, thoughts of being brand new 
People watching at a bar is the greatest. These folks have no idea they are playing a part in great chess game. They are all just pawns on a great big board waiting to be moved. 
The bartender asks what I want to drink? I tell him "a Coors Lt and a Gin on the rocks" he knows I won't be here too long...I'm not into the wine & cheese crowd. These folks of S Tampa think they are the best of the best but the rest of us know you have to live on Bayshore or Davis Island to have any real pull with the city Govt. It was only 10yrs ago a person could buy a home a block off of Bayshore Blvd for a song. Then as the american dream became more of TV commercial not the idea it once was, those cheap "middle class" home started getting knocked down. Replaced with McMansions, indoor pools, man caves and designer dog houses. For the smuck who stays put in his 2/1 single floor, 1950's style home he suddenly feels like he woke up in a trailer park. His "Brady Bunch" neighborhood has gone Hollywood faster than it took to drop Star Trek off TV. The low rent area off Gandy has changed....the city has changed.
Obama takes the blame 
It's funny to listen to some white guys talk. "I'm not in a position to buy that due to the black guy in the White House" a middle aged white guy says while sipping his domestic beer. Obama came in and the economy tanked, it's all his fault that I can't buy that new BMW. Really your lack of funds is fully due to the President? Interesting I find it odd that some people blame Obama for everything....while forgetting the fact that Bush 2 was the real reason we tanked. Expanded Govt like no other, even LBJ & FDR blushed at Bush 2's massive cash outlays. It was Bush 2 who sent checks out to every tax paying american asking us to spend it on TV's! Hell Bill Clinton didn't even go that route, he preferred to get his cash from the guilty. Clinton turned Presidential Pardons into a game of $64,000.00 pyramid. 
As of today May 28th, 2014 we still haven't found MH370....how the fuck do you lose a plane?
Walking into the Tampa International Airport is comparable to a trip to that bar in Star Wars.